No More Substitutions

Today I met a kind of pain that reached a whole new level.  Most of the time in my life when that sort of thing has happened, I’ve relied on substitution.  When things got seemingly unbearable, I would substitute something or someone in the place of a difficulty to deflect my attention from the matter that was causing me the pain, mental anguish or heartbreak.  Today I elected to no longer run from, substitute for, or deflect around, but rather accept and feel the pain, and actually process it.  It is scary and daunting, but I know from experience that substitution and escape will never allow for any meaningful growth to occur, but rather delay the inevitable, like some cosmic game of kick the can.

I am scared.  I am alone.  And, I am determined to be stronger than this pain.  In hoping for someone to come and ease it, I have come to realize that I do have someone that has never left me for any reason.  I greet them face to face every morning in the mirror.  I won’t give up on them, and I have a feeling they won’t give up on me.

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13 thoughts on “No More Substitutions

  1. Good for you. I am working on the same challenge! Here’s another quote for you – “We are well advised to keep on nodding terms with the people we used to be, whether we find them attractive company or not.” Joan Didion

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Powerful! Pain and hurt are like taskmasters. The more you cower before them, the vicious they become. The best way to liberation is to face squarely which is what you have done and that is half the battle won already. The comes from self love, self appreciation and more selflove. Y

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Powerful! Pain and hurt are like taskmasters. The more you cower before them, the more vicious they become. The best way to liberation is to face them squarely which is what you have done and that is half the battle already won. The other half comes from self love, self appreciation and more self love.

    Like

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