No More Substitutions

Today I met a kind of pain that reached a whole new level.  Most of the time in my life when that sort of thing has happened, I’ve relied on substitution.  When things got seemingly unbearable, I would substitute something or someone in the place of a difficulty to deflect my attention from the matter that was causing me the pain, mental anguish or heartbreak.  Today I elected to no longer run from, substitute for, or deflect around, but rather accept and feel the pain, and actually process it.  It is scary and daunting, but I know from experience that substitution and escape will never allow for any meaningful growth to occur, but rather delay the inevitable, like some cosmic game of kick the can.

I am scared.  I am alone.  And, I am determined to be stronger than this pain.  In hoping for someone to come and ease it, I have come to realize that I do have someone that has never left me for any reason.  I greet them face to face every morning in the mirror.  I won’t give up on them, and I have a feeling they won’t give up on me.